If life were even a little bit fair, my pet dragon would be writing this while I relax on a beach somewhere. If it were really fair, your pet dragon would be reading it to you on that same beach.
So it's pretty safe to say (unless you're a dragon and reading this) that life isn't fair. Hey, at least we don't have it as bad as some of the other dragon-less unfortunates below, right?
I guess she might not have lucked out parent-wise, but at least she'll be able to catch a nap to escape them.
I mean, she didn't get the selfie that she wanted, but didn't she end up with a much better one? God, I love dogs.
Years from now, she'll look back on this pic as the last time she was ever comfortable in public without a catcher's helmet on.
Next time, maybe he'll leave the window open a crack so someone can get rid of their Pit Bull tickets without having to smash his window.
Watch, his biscuit is like one giant air bubble and the gravy is nothing but his tears.
I think if they were random, it's just a slightly bigger middle finger from the universe. I suppose it's lucky it only cost him a dollar.
If humans came with warranties, like, 99% of us would be in line to trade in our brains.
As long as we've escaped the time stream, can we get Szechuan sauce or a McRib? How about that amazing pizza you can't get anymore?!
If my luck holds up, this will happen to me on the subway ride home.
If you thought your McDouble is only going to cost 25 cents, it probably wasn't going to be legit anyway.
I can barely do fractions at all, or any kind of math for that matter, so the chance of my answer being correct would've been like hitting the lottery (sorry, #6).
We've all had the "what did I order off Amazon?" moments, but it's not usually when you find out you accidentally ordered Smurf-sized furniture.
Current Theory: Both of these tiny purchases were meant for an actual Smurf, and they just got mixed up when Amazon sent them off to the wrong customers. That, or the universe hates us all.
But if they taste as bad as they look, maybe it's for the best if no one tastes them to find out.
...if it had stayed there a little longer, she would've wound up with an anime-level hairstyle for a little while. Silver linings, people.
But not yet. Clearly, I have more McDonald's napkins in my bathroom than this person does.
Even amateurs know better than to leave cereal so long it goes soggy. Can you imagine what it would be like lying out in the sun for hours?
Imagine how far away this bird was when it looked down and went, "Yeah, out comes the phone, here we go."
But depending on how Boos smells, it might turn out to be a keep-everything-away spray.
But if you're going to make a bad decision, it'd be nice if the universe let you do it instead of screwing you even more.
