"Welcome. This class will not be easy, and if any of you ever biff it as hard as the chumps who designed this building, you will fail."
I make mistakes all the time. You should see one of these articles before the editors get to them — they're a mess of typos, impossible-to-back-up claims, and half of them are usually just me recording my grocery list in the wrong tab.*
*Editor's Note: This is true.
But, at least my mistakes are measured in missed buses and the wrong pasta at the Olive Garden (and going to the Olive Garden in the first place). It could be a lot worse, believe me...
"Welcome. This class will not be easy, and if any of you ever biff it as hard as the chumps who designed this building, you will fail."
Although, to be fair, if it was, then it's the single best promotional stunt since Dominos started filling in potholes.
Or since Gushers started their Instagram account.
Although if that one seal is just an Andy Kaufman genius of marine comedy, I am living for it. Can't wait until Jim Carrey plays him in a biopic.
He needs to see the error of his ways.
No wonder they're locking them up at Walmart, right?
See, I thought the spots were assigned by name, right?
My name? Uh...Jeff. But my middle name is Henry. So, you know...ugh.
How much is the ticket?
Unless this was Columbus Day weekend, in which case that's probably the most accurate Columbus maneuver I've ever seen. Ten points for historical accuracy, Dad.
Good luck with the rest of your cottaging, aka "heaving a boat back into a lake."
If only they'd give us a clue. Just one clue...
We didn't even bring a lawnmower, I just hold the weedwacker and this dude pushes me over the grass.
Right down to the silly expression on the falling man's face, and the extra-awkward leg placement. Remarkable, really.
Don't tell them you locked yourself out of the truck. Just tell them you're really, really thirsty. It'll be fine.
Unless the article is actually about making bird noises, in which case...go ahead, you're in the clear, I guess.
Luckily, I know I can always tell by the way they smell like oranges.
Wait, what—
Which I'm sure has never been more accurate than the urine content in a pool this crowded.Ugh, I can smellthis image.