"Welcome. This class will not be easy, and if any of you ever biff it as hard as the chumps who designed this building, you will fail."
11+ Tragic Oopses That Needed Better Excuses
I make mistakes all the time. You should see one of these articles before the editors get to them — they're a mess of typos, impossible-to-back-up claims, and half of them are usually just me recording my grocery list in the wrong tab.*
*Editor's Note: This is true.
But, at least my mistakes are measured in missed buses and the wrong pasta at the Olive Garden (and going to the Olive Garden in the first place). It could be a lot worse, believe me...
1. Oh man, I can only imagine how annoyed every single professor must be walking into this building.
2. Yeah, somehow I'm thinking that this wasn't some sort of promotional stunt.
Although, to be fair, if it was, then it's the single best promotional stunt since Dominos started filling in potholes.
Or since Gushers started their Instagram account.
4. OK, as a Batman fan, this makes me very upset. I have no idea how someone makes this basic error, but I'd like to publicly put out an APB (All Points Batman) for this dude.
He needs to see the error of his ways.
5. Ah man, I thought the Tide Pod craze was behind us, but looks like people are still going wild for 'em.
No wonder they're locking them up at Walmart, right?
6. "Haha, well, see...there's definitely an explanation for this."
See, I thought the spots were assigned by name, right?
My name? Uh...Jeff. But my middle name is Henry. So, you know...ugh.
How much is the ticket?
7. Worst Fourth of July ever.
Unless this was Columbus Day weekend, in which case that's probably the most accurate Columbus maneuver I've ever seen. Ten points for historical accuracy, Dad.
8. Huh. Who could possibly crack this case? We're gonna need the RDJ and Brinklepatch Crumblypants versions of Sherlock to get this one.
If only they'd give us a clue. Just one clue...
9. Oh, us? Nah, we didn't forget anything, we're just trying to get more exercise, that's all.
We didn't even bring a lawnmower, I just hold the weedwacker and this dude pushes me over the grass.
10. To be fair, dude, this is exactly what you were warned of.
Right down to the silly expression on the falling man's face, and the extra-awkward leg placement. Remarkable, really.
11. "It's all good, Frank. Act casual. Don't make eye contact with anyone."
Don't tell them you locked yourself out of the truck. Just tell them you're really, really thirsty. It'll be fine.
12. Whelp, way to put your money where your mouth is, Evening Standard.
Unless the article is actually about making bird noises, in which case...go ahead, you're in the clear, I guess.
13. I know that it's probably the detergent, but there's a fairly large part of my brain that walks in and asks "OK, where the Ghostbusters at, because this is obviously slime."
14. I personally get confused about which fruits bananas are all the time.
Luckily, I know I can always tell by the way they smell like oranges.
Wait, what—
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