Let's be honest: Life is just one long, 70-year sequence of betrayals.
From discovering that Santa Claus isn't real to learning that no, a four-year university degree does not guarantee you a job, we're all just treading water in a giant sea of deception, with only a couple of Dora the Explorer pool floaties to help keep us afloat.
...Sorry. I've been betrayed a lot.
I'll put it right under time, money, and effort.
"Eat me, I'm good for you!" says the apple. Next thing ya know, you've got six fingers.
You gotta spend money to lose money, right?
Although, for the record, I spent $100,000 to go to frat parties and skip my 8 a.m. classes, thank you very much.
Of course, the real ad probably just said "hot tub," which sucks, because how can you say they lied?
The bottom, chocolate-filled part of an ice cream cone completes the ice cream experience. This isn't even an ice cream cone anymore! It's an ice cream tube!
There are broken dreams, and then there are broken experiences.
To be fair, are they wrong? I don't have kids, but I've seen them at grocery stores, and they never look convenient to me.
Anyway, condoms: 98% effective, except when they're not.
Did your childhood innocence deceive you? Have Pop-Tarts always looked this awful?
I don't have any tattoos yet, but I'm confident that if I do get inked, it'll be trash and I'll need to remove it.
Ever since I saw this photo, I've been asking for "a muffin with multiple blueberr_ies_ in it — at least 10–15 — and a small coffee" at Starbucks.
On the bright side, I bet it tastes better than the pretzels.
But if I can't even trust a microwavable plastic lid, what's left in the world?
Pfft, Great Value? For who? A colony of ants? I feel like I'm being taunted.
Fun fact: Jared actually broke his ankle attempting a jumping photo pose, so he's come full circle.
Actually, this could be a blessing in disguise. At least, if the ceremony is boring, you can catch some Z's without the wedding party noticing.
If we ever find ourselves in an I, Robot situation, trust and believe that it'll be vending machines, not androids, that rise up against us.
This looks like fruit betrayal, but it's actually just the banana saying, "I'm grossly ripe, you don't want any of this."
Banana hooks are a cool, trendy kitchen accessory until they start peeling your fruit for you. Blame gravity, too.
I mean, you could eat this, if you were a psychopath.
The design of an umbrella hasn't been updated in over a century, which is pretty messed up because it's not as if this is one of those "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!" situations.
IT'S. BROKE.
In fact, if I were an employer, I'd be more like to hire this man based on sympathy alone.
This is probably one of the many reasons why I don't own a business.
I will never take that moment for granted ever again.
Be like me and avoid all of life's disappointments by creating absolutely zero goals for yourself.
I know absolutely nothing about sports, but I'm pretty sure that this is some sort of honor among athletes. So, congrats?
Of course, this wouldn't work if the person had opened this cookie second...
Luckily, if this is an Iron Maiden concert, the whole arena will turn into a mosh pit soon, and all the chairs will be broken anyway.
Sometimes, betrayal works itself out.
