Unsplash | Martha Dominguez de Gouveia

People Who Abandoned Their Families Tell Their Stories

For a lot of people, family is the most important thing in their lives. However, some people experience tragic circumstances which cause them to leave their family behind, sometimes without even saying goodbye.

One person wanted to find out what it was that made these people abandon their families, and how it had impacted the rest of their lives. So, they took to Reddit and asked, "People who have 'gone out for a pack of cigarettes' and never went back to your family, what happened after you left?"

What follows are some of the most heartbreaking and shocking stories that people had to share.

Left After Sexual Assault

Unsplash | Mxsh

"I hadn't started a family of my own yet but I was engaged to my ex who I just ended up 'ghosting' after a few years. It was several years ago and he had to move back to Tokyo for his job (we met in the US while he was an expat) so he asked me to come live with him.

Moved, met the family, all that stuff. Then, one day I came down with the flu and was miserable and was so weak I couldn’t even walk myself to the toilet. He was trying to come on to me several times that day and I kept refusing because of obvious reasons. Then I was in the middle of sleeping and he started to take off my clothes and have sex with me while I was sleeping after already refusing it to him.

I woke up and was like wtf and made him stop. Then I pretended to be asleep till he left for work the next morning, packed my sh*t, and left." — Maynaise88

This sounds like she had a lucky escape!

Escaping Their Father

Instagram | chinxiy

"When I was 18, I moved out from my abusive father. I was commuting to college at the time and I had morning classes so the night before I packed my car with as much of my stuff as I could, and set off [...] After my classes for the day were over I went home for the first time since I was a child to live with my mother.

I have seen my father one time since then because he swore to me that he had changed, that night he proceeded to get wasted and tried to put his hands on me. I haven't seen him since, and I have no regrets." — Seyenogard7

Clearly he hadn't changed, it can be heartbreaking when people we want to trust let us down time and time again.

Living In A Toxic Environment

Unsplash | Gabriel

"Didn't leave my wife and kids as I don't have any but I did walk out on my mother and siblings without any notice. After? Best decision of my life. My mother refuses treatment for her very serious mental illness or illnesses and was incredibly abusive physically as well and neglectful while I was growing up. I saw the effect it had burn out older siblings with no motive or drive and instead embraced the crazy just to feel sane in the toxic family home we lived in.

"I was homeless for about a year and a half living out of a duffel and bumming food from friends. I feel like my life hasn't even started until I left it behind. I feel like it held me back for 17 years and I now am finally being able to find out who I am." — largePPguy

They went on to say that their mother never went looking for them. They did meet their father at one point, who was an army veteran suffering from PTSD.

"Mine was 'I'm going to the gas station'."

Unsplash | Ethan Cull

"I'm in an interfaith and interracial relationship, and my family never ever accepted it. It escalated to physical violence and I needed to make an exit. I let my mom know I wanted to marry him, she told me I could stay and be less than the dirt under her shoe or I could go. I left.

"It's been 3 years [...] They still have some contact with me, but refuse to accept my one and only boundary: show me that you can even f*cking acknowledge my fiancé, and then we can start rebuilding. Ultimately, I had to walk away from a place where I was being punished for not doing my 'duty' as a daughter, which is putting my happiness second to the respect of the family name." — rosiedokidoki

They wrote that it took them leaving to realize how toxic and conservative the environment that they were raised in was. They still miss their brothers, who are too scared to go against their mother.

Leaving Home At 14

Unsplash | Todd Diemer

"My stepfather beat both my sisters and then when they left I was next. Anyways one night he made me walk home from the mall because he wouldn't give me a ride. I called and asked around five and he said you better have your ass home at five. I walked the eight miles and was pretty wiped out when I was coming up the driveway.

"We had a big front window and I saw him sitting in his chair drinking whiskey waiting for me. When I walked in he said something and I replied you won't do sh*t. The next thing I knew he had me pinned to the wall and punched me in the face until I was knocked out. When I woke up I remember feeling the blood from my nose and my mother was standing there and told me I was a disgrace to go clean my face off. I went upstairs and grabbed a hat and walked out and never went back. I was 14 years old at the time." -[deleted]

"I haven't seen my son since his second birthday."

Instagram | granitestatebaked

"His mom (my ex) left me for a younger guy that she met at work. That's pretty common I guess, but in the process, she tried to destroy my reputation by telling anyone who would listen that I was abusive. I guess she realized that cheating makes you the 'bad guy' but a battered wife who cheats is fine. Everyone bought it, including my own family [...]

"I had a lot of time to reflect on our situation, and I decided it would be best to 'go out for cigarettes' because: she used to bring our son when she went to fool around with this guy, so he was already a father figure of sorts; I had no doubt she would tell the same 'abuse' story to our son when he grew old enough to ask; and, he was too young to remember me." — throwawayjii

This person is now living in a different city, with a different name. They cannot date anyone due to their fear of losing everything all over again.

Ex-Boyfriend Disappearing Act

Instagram | lime_caliboi

"We had been dating for 3 years by the time I got pregnant. We broke up early into my pregnancy but we remained civil with each other [...]

"One day, he came to me and told me he had been talking to his mom. He was happy about it, and I was happy for him. Time went on, and eventually, he told me that his mother paid for a round trip ticket for him and his brothers to go and visit her. Long story short, he left and never came back. Our son is 3 years old and he has never met him, never spoken to him, and never told his family about him either. He used to ask me about him here and there, but that eventually stopped too."

They went on to say that the boyfriend has since had a child with another partner, and is completely involved in the second child's life. He sounds like a sheer delight of a human being.

Left When Partner Was Away On Business

Instagram | golden_rothenburg

"I had to. He was abusive and would play mind games. I planned it out for weeks and seized the little chances I got. I slowly started moving my things out. One time he noticed it looking kind of bare and I played it off like my stuff was too cluttered and I wanted a more open space. He went on a 'work trip' for 2 days and I vanished.

"Needless to say he was not pleased when he realized I was gone. I was hiding out with my dad and he would show up and call all hours of the day and night. My parents more or less told him to go to hell." — Royalchariot

Went Out For Milk

Instagram | shnaebadphoto

"For us, it was that he went out for milk. Dad told me as the eldest surviving kid I was 'The man of the house' until he got back, so it was my obligation to help/defend/take care of them for him until he came back. He never came back." — honestduane

A lot of people shared their similar experiences, with many people conveying their messages of support for those who suffered a similar abandonment.

Escaping Organized Crime

Unsplash | Linh Nguyen

"I was born into a family of organized crime, I did everything they wanted me to do up until I was a certain 'officially a man' age, I'd been plotting with my mother since my early teens to break away and ghost them all. About a year ago I did, said I was going to pick up groceries, never came back, have been hiding in the states ever since, new name, new life." — DoofyCritter

Apparently this person's father was furious when he found out, and even went after and attacked people that this person had known, in an attempt to extract information.

Joining The Navy

Instagram | navairsyscom

"I enlisted in the Navy without telling any of my family, only confided in a few friends that I was joining the service and skipping town. I had graduated high school, was depressed working shit dead-end jobs and wasn't making enough to move out on my own.

"I told my parents I had enlisted, the day the recruiter came to take me to MEPS, and I've only been back to Texas twice in the last ten years, the latter time to introduce them to my wife. My parents are essentially, absent from my life of their own choosing. I found that if I didn't call, I didn't hear from them, so I stopped calling. They've met my oldest daughter twice, in her six years, and have only met my younger, once. They don't try." — whiskeybent_txn

Now, this person only considers their wife and children to be their family. Your family can be whoever makes you feel loved, safe, and happy.

Having To Leave The Dog Behind

Unsplash | Patrick Hendry

"I moved 200 miles away and started a new life with my SO. I couldn't stay in that hell hole with my mother. She was an abusive addict and was slowly tearing our family apart. The mental abuse had gotten so bad that I wished for death every day. I had hoped by leaving she would see the errors of her ways and have a change of heart if she ever wanted to see her son again.

"Meanwhile, I started a full-time job, I work on the house from time to time and I enjoy a variety of hobbies. I just talked to my mother today. Nothing has changed. She blames me for everything and she still gambles while watching the family house foreclose before her eyes. It's a sad reality but was completely necessary if I wanted to live. My only regret is not getting my dog. He lives in squalor and it makes me so sad." — shadowgattler

"I Disappeared On My Ex-Girlfriend In 2013"

Instagram | bombaytrooper

"We had been together for 1 year and she had 2 kids (not mine). We lived basically in poverty in a super sh*tty neighborhood in a super sh**ty city. All she ever did was whine and she was so lazy, never cleaned up after herself or taught her kids how. So one night I did exactly that...I was broke and really owned nothing except my 2003 Eclipse and my clothes. I did, in fact, tell her I was going to get a pack of cigs...and that was the plan.

"But it was a nice night. So I just kinda...kept driving. And thinking [...] I gotta do what I gotta do to keep my mental health in check because that environment was doing a serious number on me and I was becoming an alcoholic. I fought with myself pretty hard because the kids did like me and trust me. And I do still feel guilty about it today...but again, I just had to do it. I turned my phone off and just kept driving". — lordhelmit91

This person apparently lived in their car for two months, showered at a gas station, and worked two jobs to save up enough money to get a new apartment.

Hopped In His Truck And Never Came Back

Unsplash

"My stepdad literally did the 'I am going out for a pack of smokes' thing to his first wife and kids. Ended up abandoning them in CT and moved to CA. He was a long-haul trucker at the time so he just jumped in his rig and drove from one coast to the other.

"He eventually met my mom, got involved in a very lucrative business enterprise, reached out to his sons and offered them a piece of the business, rebuilt those relationships while making them rich, and they have been a part of his life ever since (20+ years now). I spent a week in Key West with my stepbrothers and other family members last spring. Even his ex-wife came to forgive him once her sons were taken care of." — csudebate

Wow, it is unbelievable that they managed to get passed this at all! I guess, you can never underestimate the curative powers of wealth.

Leaving With The Dog

Instagram | misia_kundelek_

"So far things are good since I left. My second wife and I grew apart and she developed some really serious problems mentally and started treating me really badly verbally. My dad died last year and I had to go across the country to handle his estate.

"While I was gone 2 of my dogs died she wasn't taking care of them I went across country again to see my daughter and son in law and my wife let one of my other dogs die by the time I got back. Then she told me if I'm going to spend 30 days at a time I should just stay. So I grabbed the 1 dog I have left and left. I'm doing pretty good and the dog is fine. I was unhappy before that but I'm not going put up with that. I just got a ride and left." — altanmore1

To lose your father and then to lose your dogs is a tragic run. Hopefully, this person continues to have better luck now that they are living with their dog away from this poisonous atmosphere.

Returning To Childhood Sweetheart

Unsplash | Martha Dominguez de Gouveia

"When I was 15, I was living with my aunt, her boyfriend and their 2 kids (both younger than 5). Her boyfriend was a pretty terrible guy. She met him right after he got out of prison for 15 years. He would walk into the room I stayed in with my cousins just to tell me how awful I was [...] Well my aunt spent a lot of her time on her computer. During this, she happened to get back in touch with her high school sweetheart and they started talking. One weekend while boyfriend was out of town, we packed everything up into a Uhaul and she moved 4 states away to be with the high school sweetheart with the kids. I moved in with a friend instead of going with her.

"A few days later I was at the mall with my new roommate and we happened to run into him. He stopped me and pulled out a big wad of cash saying he just wanted information. I politely declined" — Space0rphan

As it turns out, the boyfriend died of cancer 6 months after they left him.

Leaving At Christmas

Instagram | itchingforfall

"This was planned for a while. I got a Visa, packed everything into a suitcase and bought a nonreturn flight halfway across the world. I had been back and forth between countries due to school so I didn't raise suspicions with the suitcase, and my friend was helping me because they knew how emotionally abusive my parents were.

"I remember sitting there watching TV with my dad after setting up the Christmas tree together and feeling the guilt and panic overwhelming me. But I heard the doorbell ring and knew it was time. I pretended I needed to go out to see who was at the door. I took my suitcase, walked into my friend's car, and he drove off as I cried and screamed into my jacket." — shiranaikara

Leaving at Christmas must have been particularly difficult! They went on to write that they talk to their family occasionally over Skype, and the relationship is better now that the family cannot manipulate them.

Abusive Parent

Jon Flobrant | Unsplash

"My mom is abusive and I had no spine, so I told her I was going to move in with my dad for the summer, I said I would be back before the end of August. After I moved in with my dad I got my state ID (my mom didn't want me to have any kind of id) and I finally got my drivers permit a few weeks later. I felt bad for lying at the time, but now l know if I didn't lie to her I would have never gotten out of there. I would be stuck living on a sh*tty little hobby farm with a woman who did everything in her power to tear me down and hurt me." — ice-nymph

Anyone who tries to keep you so helplessly dependent on them is not looking out for your best interests.

Left The Day After Turning 18

Instagram | cake_fairy_24

"Got in a fight with my dad when I was 17, roughly a year after I moved in with him. Honestly, it was mostly me being a stupid teenager. He made me quit my job, and I couldn't really do anything anymore. Not to mention any interaction with him or his wife was extremely painful and awkward.

"I ended up selling most of my more expensive possessions aside from my favorite instrument and bought a plane ticket to a different state to get a job at a company a friend worked at. I did this the day after my 18th birthday. The company got bought out right before I was officially hired, and the new people didn't want to hire me. So I kind of got stuck there for a while with a sh*tty part-time job. It worked out in the end though." — AerialSnack

It isn't particularly clear what caused the tensions to rise in the first place, and nor do they mention whether they ever saw their family again. Hopefully, they managed to reconcile at least partially at some point.

Infidelity

Diego PH | Unsplash

"Got married right out of high school, everything was going well but we were young and both were our first partners. I came home early one day and walked in on my wife with another man [...] we went to months of counseling. Everything seemed well and dandy [...]

"One day I log into our desktop PC and her Facebook is loaded and there are multiple messages and I had to look. I found exactly what I knew I would find. It crushed me but I acted like nothing happened. That weekend I picked up my favorite clothes and belongings that meant a lot to me and snuck them to the car [...] the dogs and I just drove. I had a decent savings and thought 'F*ck it, start off somewhere new' and that is what I did." — JohnSmithDoe1234

This person is now happily married to someone else and met up only once with their now-ex to get closure for their marriage.