16 People Too Broke To Joke

Which it could potentially be, with the right mindset. That coffee table could be $20 if you post it on Craigslist, your basement could be $500 dollars if you rent it to a student, and your boobs could be worth some bucks too if you hop on a webcam and go live (I don't know how much they'd be worth, though. Depends on the boobs, prob).

I've never actually played Uno, but I'm getting the vibe that this is some kind of reversal card. I could google it and uphold my journalistic integrity, but I don't actually have any of that, so here is what I assume is some kinda strategy to get the server to pay your bill. NOICE.

I understand what they're trying to do, because this is basically the edible equivalent to me every time I put on makeup. Sure, I look like a snack, but I'm really just a stale loaf of bread covered in runny frosting and old sprinkles.

I didn't ask to be born, so why do I gotta pay for it? I was probably having a great time, just swimming around in my dad's ball sack without a care in the world. Now I'm out here in the real world, cold, alone, and prostituting my creativity to pay my rent.

At least that's what my mom always told me. She'd say it because I was ugly and sad, but I guess it works for being poor, too. Basically, it's a great turn of phrase to use when things are awful and you need to pretend they're not so you don't have a breakdown.

As IF Sephora isn't gonna cut me a break when they already make a gazillion dollars a second with their overpriced makeup. Spread the wealth! Damn.

In the early 2000s emo scene, I got really into choker necklaces, but they weren't as readily available as they are now, so I just cut the cable to a cell phone charger I had lying around and tied it around my neck. Dreams don't work unless you do.

I might still go out and get myself arrested anyway. At least if they throw me in jail, I won't have to pay for rent or groceries.

Who needs them, anyway? Not me, apparently, so I guess they can go to someone less superior. Do you know what this means? I can sell my super organs for mad bucks, grab a bottle of Bombay Sapphire, and maybe even afford to get a taxi back from the surgery. Everything's comin' up Milhouse.

Being broke isn't always glamorous, okay? Have you ever actually PAID for individual sweetener packets? That shit is like a dollar a serving, and I'm not Oprah. Just because I'm poor doesn't mean that I don't deserve a nice meal once in a while, too.

I would argue that this is a special kind of broke. You know, the kind where you actually have assets and investments and your bills are paid, but you don't have the money to go out for drinks. Some call it fiscal responsibility, I call it adulting for lame nerds.

You're already trying to keep up with the Kardashians (or whoever starts these stupid trends), but it's futile — it's always gonna be brand name this and brand name that.

And true pizza lovers are willing to risk their friendships by sneaking around behind their backs and stealing pizza right out from under their nose. A good friend wouldn't want you to starve, right?

How much could you possibly know about the game if you don't even know that it's free? Whatever, maybe a bit of arts and crafts time was good for you. It's nice to have a creative outlet.

Most single parents get less than a bag of cat food, so I'd say you're coming out on top. It'll be perfect to feed to the kids, too. Just tell them it's breakfast cereal.

They typically go hand in hand, don't they? Then can someone please explain what's going on at this McDonald's? Props to them for trying to make the best of a bad situation.